思绪

心情很激昂，思绪在脑子里像老鼠般乱撞，

像电流般飞快的穿梭在脑里的天空。

像是要做些什么，却提不起劲儿去做。

天啊！我到底是怎么了？

为何重复的让这种心情在出现？

看来是时候好好训练我的情商了

牛脾气

最近觉得自己的脾气越来越不好，

有时对病人很不客气。

说话要快快得到答案，

不然就开始提高声调，

到底为什么要这样？

越来越不懂。

是因为为了把工作做好，

使老板不会骂我，

还是厌倦了生活不断重复一样的工作？

有天晚上，

我跟某位同事on call，

闲谈之间，

发现原来他会看相，

他说我自尊心很强。

虽然我不相信看相的东西，

再说谁的自尊心不会强呢？

不过，我的确很难不要脸。

我的自尊心也许就是保护自己唯一的办法，

如果有谁践踏我的自尊，

我想，连命都可以不要的跟他拼过。

哈哈！ 这就是我的牛脾气吧！

休息一下

终于，

在妇产科将近三个月了，没有停止过工作一天。

几乎每隔一天就oncall 一次，

生命、青春，就这么流逝，

献给一堆挺着大肚子、小肚子的妈妈们。

在这短短的几个月，

真的对孕妇感到特别的恐惧，

感觉孕妇无所不在，

走到任何一个角落，都可以碰到。

但同时，看到妈妈们这么努力不懈的，

使尽全力也要让孩子们安全诞下，

才知道母亲的爱是多么的不容易。

现在，我终于能够休息一下，

享受一下旅行，

期待回来以后，

能够更开心的为民服务！

yes! 就是要变！！！

11-15.5.2011

新的旅程。。。

依依不舍地离开小儿科，去了一个一向来都颇自信的妇产科，没想到做工跟上课真的很不一样。以前在ukmmc一天可以看到的生产过程并不多，在这里，几乎每天可以超过十个，而且只有两个houseman在产房时，真得好累好累。 回家=睡觉 加上不够人手，就开始抱怨上司，为什么什么都要我们做完； 抱怨政府，为什么大家一样工钱，西马的houseman可以少做很多工， 甚至Oncall可以休息的很够，而且weekend不用做工。每天想的是快点五点，因为好累好累。 今晚当我重温code blue这部日剧时，真正的体会，医学生和医生的生活是完全的不同。而真正好的医生，是全方位的。不管在哪里，都要做得最好，而且要能独当一面。不管在什么危急时刻，都要能冷静应对，而不是选择逃避。但愿明天的我，可以重新开始，不再对忙碌的生活埋怨，而是对每一个病人都很小心、积极的应付。

另一个结束

终于，结束了传闻中最容易被留级的小儿科。

虽然很忙，很累，但是同事和小瓜们还是很令人怀念。

回首当日，有点心惊胆战的进入这个部门。

很多seniors都谆谆善诱的教导和鼓励，

加上上司无私的责备和指点，

才能顺利地毕业。

在这里，我真的获益良多。

首先在paediatrics medical学习一般常见的病症，

再来就是学insert IV line和拿血， 还有作LP。

后来又被送到neonates (初生儿)堆去，

认识如何控制ventilator, 怎么去处理一些常见的问题，

如prematurity, presumed sepsis, PPHN, GBS, congenital syphilis, etc...

最后以PALS (Paediatrics advanced life support)来结束小儿科之旅，

甚多的回忆是无法一一诉说的。

而令我很自豪的经验是看到一个4.5kg 的宝贝，

还有一个三胞胎。

当然也有不开心的时候，

尤其是看着一些小孩慢慢的消耗生命，

而自己又爱莫能助时，

才感觉自己原来那么的有限。

小瓜们，祝福你们
健健康康、快快乐乐的成长。

再会了！！！

一年初始，万象更新

感谢神，这一年的结束前，还有机会做到exchange tranfusion，也为我仅剩不多的log book procedures, 画上美丽的句点。新的一年，新的开始。但愿接下来混在女人堆里可以很快适应，
O&G， 我来了！

星灯的恋爱

孤单的夜里，我不孤单，

因为我知道你随时随地与我同在。

棋盘

最近， 感觉生活像下棋一样。

很期待下一步会有不同的走法，

但往往人算不如天算，

跟着第一个感觉走，甭想太多，

或许才是上上之策。

你有心事吗？

终于，用了大概三天的时间，
看完这本满不错的书。
很多时候人们不知道自己的心理病，
又没有通过正确管道来解决，
结果病情严重，一发不可收拾。
这本书的作者，梁惠美女士是专业的临床心理学家，
用他本人的经验与我们分享心理病的疗程。
感觉自己也有点茅塞顿开，
迫不及待去买他的另外两本书。。。。。。

final month in paeds...

It s one month left. i m about to leave again.
Thank God that i have chance to intubate 3 babies but only one succeeded.
and today i finally have chance to do UVC.
though it s not difficult, i still feel the joy of being given opportunity to do it.
going to PMW 27 tomorrow i.e. i have chance to see BMA. I wish i could do it.
God bless.....

新年快乐！

新的一年又来了，又老了一岁 。
难得今天跟老友们见到面，
畅谈当年黄毛小子的冲动，
还有单纯的友情，
经历的岁月，
生活如此的美好。
年少时，不愁吃穿。
想玩就玩，想走就走。
如今，年复一年，
岁月在我们的脸上抹上痕迹。
一年初始，万象更新。。。
我会不会也有所改变呢？
但愿我能够更长进，
好好利用新的一年
学习好好使用时间。
愿全天下的人都能比去年更快乐

What the ...

"Hello, May I speak to any houseman?"
"Ya, speaking." I spoke gently
"May I know who is on the line?"
"Bernard here." I replied
"I m Rose, calling from labour room. Just want to inform u a baby born flat.
It s a term baby, Mother suffered from APH....... "
"Ok, Ok! I just want to know how is the baby now."
"Baby still flat, can u come over?"
" Sure, coming!"
In a few second, I ran in a speed of 3 x 10^8 to the labour room.
First thing in the scene was ONG MO bagging baby using PPV.
The baby looks pink, still limp.
"So, did u call ur MO?" That Mo asked
What the ..., "If u want a MO to attend, what for u call for HO." I spoke to myself, but at the same time i walked to the phone and called MO.
When paeds MO arrived, and the ONG MO started saying,
"Just now the baby born flat, heart rate about 60-80 bpm. After 30 secs PPV, still not improving, we started CPR...."
"What... I guess that is too early, Are u sure the baby needs CPR?"
"Well, maybe too early. Anyway, the baby now started crying. Still nasal flaring. Can send to SCN for further management."!@#$%^&*
That is too "incredible"...
Like "MO" like "HO".

小儿科的点滴

来到这个部门两个月，
其实很多东西要分享，
不过就是很懒得去写它。。。
一开始时，好像什么都不会，
唯一比新人强的就是会用tpc（teleprimary care）。
不过，在这里做工也比上次快上手，
大概一个礼拜就能完全投入工作环境。

这当然还要感谢senior HO 和MO 们，
如此的善待我们，不吝赐教，
而且不断给予正面的鼓励，
让我可以快快得心应手，快快off tag。
第一次做Lumbar Puncture时,
真的超感动的，
不过做久了，
变成另一个很普通的procedure。

令我烦躁的是小孩子此起彼落的哭喊声，
时而震耳欲聋，时而可怜兮兮，
让我不懂该sayang他，还是该骂他。
不过，有时候他们可爱的样子，
还逗得我开怀大笑，
也难怪耶稣说，
要让小孩子到他面前来，不可以禁止他们。

对小孩子，真的需要很大的爱心及耐心。
可想而知，小时候爸妈又要做工养家，
又要耐心地来“侍候”我们这些小孩，太辛苦了！
在拿血的时候， 要等血慢慢滴。
在clerk case, 要慢慢问。
在检查他们时，要慢慢哄他们。
真的好不容易啊！

终于到了neonates,
不用什么哄他们，
不过看到那些瘦小的身躯，
总是觉得好可怜他们，
全身插满插管。
有temperature probe,
NG tube, ETT, apnoea monitor, etc...
然后接下去的几个月就是等着体重增加，
才有可能出院。
一住就是好几个月，
结果又是等、等、等。。。

在这里生活忙碌，
不过很充实。
因为常常必须有assessment,
才会想啃书，认真念书，应付考试。
而且虽累却开心，
因为有这么多的小天使，
陪伴着度过每一天。

2nd posting...

休息一个礼拜了，

其实也没做了很多事，

就是开始觉得懒散。

突然间开了面子书，

见到很多以前同学，

在第二次战役中，

大获全胜。

喜悦之情，

真的无法用支字片语来形容。

而这时，

自己还为着明天即将进入另一个工作环境，

显得有些着急，

明天得几点出现，

在哪里出现，

还搞不清楚。

老实说，有时候还蛮喜欢小孩子的，

今天看到两个小外甥，

如此可爱，像pooh似的。

小孩子啊！愿你们的天真无邪，

可以让我爱上小儿科。。。

听心

听，是一个正常人能做的。

要仔细聆听别人的心，却不是每个人能办得到。

最近才买了这本书，

有点引起我自己对写作的兴趣，

想当年，自己也曾希望可以出书，

无奈文笔不如人家，

还是写写部落格以了心愿。

这本书还蛮精彩的，值得一读。

Tatsumi Kondo

《爱之家》原来是一个很多故事的地方。

相传1996年，有位来自日本的年轻物理治疗师，

怀着满腔热血，来砂劳越当义工。

来马约三年，对那些肢体有障碍的孩童付出极大的爱心。

他就是近藤龙已。。。

若非有机会受邀去参加其追悼会，

恐怕在很多人眼里，

他只是另一个对社会有贡献的义工。

近藤先生后来回到日本，

继续对体障人士付出，

同时也研制为轮椅改装，

以满足那些小孩的需要。

几年后，又回到诗巫这个小地方，

把他的毕生研究和功夫，

在这里发扬光大。

虽然在这里的日子不久，

他却深深爱上这里，

并在去世后，

希望将骨灰撒在拉让江上，

永远与河水上的砂劳越人民共存。

也许他先离开，

但他的精神和爱，

却将在那些体障儿童身上延续。

谢谢你，近藤先生。。。

残缺也是一种美

残缺也是一种美 by 黎胜平
(Disability is also a form of beauty)

记得家乡门口的那个女孩
一对膀子长短都不一样
走起路来终是一瘸一拐　
说起话来 结巴没人爱
街坊的小孩 终是嘲讽陷害
女孩无话 只能靜靜无奈

** 外婆告诉我不可以笑她
因为残缺也是一种美
我看清晨女孩挽著衣篮摇摆
从家门口渐渐走来
那忍辱负重的步伐轻轻迈开
坚毅善良的面庞　多么净白
我终于明白

记得家乡门口的那个女孩
一对膀子长短都不一样
走起路来终是一瘸一拐
说起话来 结巴没人爱
街坊的小孩 终是嘲讽陷害
女孩无话 只能靜靜无奈

** 外婆告诉我不可以笑她　
因为残缺也是一种美
我看清晨女孩挽著衣篮摇摆
从家门口渐渐走来
那忍辱负重的步伐轻轻迈开
坚毅善良的面庞　多么净白
我终于明白

月亮不一定要圆满
残缺也是一种美丽
人生不一定要拥有
享有也是一种福气　
逆来顺受 化腐朽为神奇
残缺生命 也能彩绘 出美丽的诗偈


我看清晨女挽着衣篮摇摆
从家门口渐渐走来
那忍辱负重的步伐轻轻的迈开
坚毅善良的面庞　多么净
我终于明白

昨天又再次回到爱之家，
这次不是跟智障的朋友
而是跟体障的朋友一起工作。
其中一位特别爱唱歌和说话。
他的乐天，
让你很难不被感染到他的开朗。
当他唱着这一首歌时，
虽然没有技巧，声音也很普通，
但是那个认真想把歌唱好的表情，
吸引我向他投注我的目光。
在爱之家，真的是一个很多祝福的地方。
虽然假期不能见到好朋友们，
能够做义工，也是不错的享受

End of the day

It is finally approaching the end of the posting.
A lot of thing seems like still in blur.
But one thing I m sure is that I m not a first poster anymore.
HaHaHa... and that means I shouldnt do more mistakes in the postings to come.

I still remember the very first day I reached the Sarawak General Hospital on 21st June,
It s so big that I wonder how to run if any emergency happens. (Luckily I m not posted here)
Looking at Shii Wei and Jane filling the whole bundles of forms,
I wonder how my life would be on the next day.
Holidays ended, working life started.
I finally called myself a Dr.
Am I qualified yet?
I spent a day only for everything including my orientation.
and the Pengarah was so kind to let me choose to go to my favourite posting.
Anyway, I didnt grab the gold chance and it slipped away from my hands.
I was posted to Surgery which is not of my interest.
The very first thought in my mind was the speech given by Mr Halim.
"No matter where u go, must rmb to be the best dr in that place!"
Yeah! I can do it. I told myself.

As I entering Male surgical ward, Sister Lily with smiley face, welcoming me to join the community of Sibu hospital. Then, she asked a nurse to brief me. Surpringly the nurse couldn't find me. the reason being so was I was wearing a white coat.
HaHa! really joker. No doctors in this hospital wearing white coat.
After introducing myself to surgeons and MOs,
The first question was "Which University u were from?"
"UKM." embarrassedly I replied.
"Mr. Ooi, our new surgeon,who is ur super senior, gonna have much expectation on u. Haha!"
Will it be a good thing?
It's good! At least u have seniors in your department. I told myself.

I started my busy life here in the next few minutes.
I used almost 40 mins to clerk the very first case.
The feedback was no need so detail about all histories in patients. Just ask related ones will do.
Speed up! Faster. That were what I heard for the next few days.
I dare not to have lunch sometimes if the ward is busy.
14 days tagging was a big disaster for me.
Most of the time I had cold meals (almost cried when I first had the cold rice at pantry)
Why did I choose a crazy profession and doing things like slaves?
Does it worth?
In that 14 days, I could be scolded for something or for nothing.
the only things was the BIG BIG THANK YOU from my patients discharged from MSW, which pushed me to carry on.
I thank God, because He gave me a great gift, SMILE!
Another big disaster when Mr 100 appeared in my life.
Knowing his bad histories made me fear of him.
My limbs can't be controlled and kept doing funny mistakes,
and finally became his "coronary artery".

14 days passed, new challenge comes.
On call should not be a problem for me as I always don't sleep during my study days
and now I m carrying bigger responsibilities as the life of patients were all in my hands.
A little mistake could lead them to Heaven or Hell.
I m tired. but i cant sleep. I dont know what to do, how to manage a patient yet.
But 14 days tagging were definitely too tired for me.
I dont wish to get extended.

Recalling the bad calls that I had,
K+ was always the culprit.
No matter what it was, I learnt a lot that I had never learnt in University.
In this place, I got to know people is always selfish.
I knew that a lot of politics not in control.
I knew that betrays repeatedly happened in this world.
A good profession contented with dirties, unhappiness.
That was the feeling towards ending the 2nd month of posting.

I started to speed up. Meantime, waiting for new HO to be juniors.
Enough to be scolded.
MOs doesnt know much but yet they scolded u like hell.
Sometimes I even had to be scolded for their stupidness.
All these reminded me not to be MO like them in future.

One thing was so special that I couldnt forget.
Sister Ling taught me palliative cares in terminally ill patients.
that was the first time I had chance to remove SPC for a dead patient.
I saw how the palliative service works.
U cried with the family.
U felt the same as the family members.
at the end of the day, I got an angpow.
A special meaningful angpow.

3rd month of working days started. I shifted from MSW to FSW.
It s like from Hell to Heaven.
With a surgeon, Mr Ting, who is as nice as me,
With better MO,
I was relieved from frightened up by bad dreams during dawn in every morning.

Works are not only bitters.
The sweet part was having good time with colleagues and nurses.
At least there still someone supporting me and helping me.
And undoubtedly, I m still nurses killer...
Thank you once again. nurse in MSW and FSW as well JMs and student nurses.
Without u all, I might have endless nights could not have good sleep during on call.
Special thanks to nurses from FSW (in addition to last post for nurse), namely Yong, Mimi, Victoria, Silin, Yati, Bai, Sylvia, Dayang, Halina, Salimah, etc.

Towards the end of the posting,
I m more equipped with confidence and knowledge in managing patients.
Using TPC system is no longer a technical problem.
I can refer case in a better way.
I can teach Unimas students.
I can do works faster.
I know how to resuscitate a newborn (not practically tried yet)
I can mange pains.
I m no longer blur.

Thank you, my dear colleagues and seniors!
I wished I could work with some of u again. unfortunately I m going to the place that u all not going.
I m gonna adapt with new environment and new people.
All the best to me!

丰富的人生

这一个月过得很忙碌，不过也很精彩。

难得马来同胞新年，又认识了这么多护士，

更应该实践One Malaysia的宗旨，

去拜年咯！

谢谢这位 SN Nurul Huda 热情招待，

让我能吃得到很久没吃的daging rendam，

而且这是第一次跟马来同胞拜年呢！

也要谢谢SN Yong才下班就被我逼来，

还携伴出席，真赏脸！

接下来，值得庆祝的是九月十六被列为公假。

虽然是一个很政治化的日子，

还是很高兴东马可以被认真地看待。

至少让所有人了解，东马不是加入马来西亚，

而是与半岛共同组织马来西亚。

9月20/21：

第一个在任以来参与的course居然是neonatal resuscitation course (NRP)。

蛮开心的，可以成功pass这个course.

而且可以学到很多新的功课。

当然咯！最好玩的还是跟同事还有护士们的互动，

让我深深体会team work在急救时，是那么的重要。

每一个人都必须熟悉步骤，不能迟疑。

我想，再多练习一点，在去小儿科时就没多大问题了吧！

心情手札

最近太压力了，终于忍不住要偷闲。看看很久没有看的香港戏。无意间在电脑里看到红极一时的巾帼枭雄。虽然明争暗斗的戏码还是摆上台面，不过四奶奶危机处理的方式，还是有值得学习的地方。她讲的一句话，其实还蛮安慰我的。当他很烦恼蝗灾时，望着天空，说她相信天地间有一个主宰，而这个主宰仿佛对她说，你只要尽力地去完成你该做的事，剩下的交给我吧！让我想起圣经也是这么讲到，当将一切的忧虑卸给你的上帝，因为他顾念你们。不管怎么困难的事，都有他来为我担当了，我还惧怕什么呢？加油！